BREAKING (WIND) NEWS: ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT FOILED AS PSC PRESIDENT KILLS ASSAILANT
SINGAPORE - An assassination attempt of PSC President, Jonk, by an unidentified assailant was foiled by the bravery and wits of the President himself.
While he was s-hitting, a devious cockroach, who has yet to be identified, crept stealthily around his throne, preparing to assASSinate. It wasn't long before Jonk noticed the rascal of a roach and responded swiftly with sheer instint, as any seasoned PSC member would do.
He screamed.
"I was very very angry, very very pissed, very very disgusted and disturbed," he said.
Promptly, Jonk fought valiantly against his assailant, cornering him eventually and CRUSHING him like a.. erm, cockroach.. after a harrowing 30 second standoff. He escaped unscathed but is being treated for shock. The cockroach was pronounced dead at the scene of the crime.
The cockroach was flushed away, or depotted as the PSC prefer to call it, with.. yeah.
Left: The Assailant, killed and depotted
Jonk, who was clearly traumatised after the ordeal, added, "It's just wrong. I mean, would he have liked it if I came to disturb him while HE was defaecating?"
The PSC are still investigating the matter. The Blattella asahinai, or "Asian cockroach" family is a prime suspect as perpetrators of this heinous crime. The assailant was unable to be identified because he was pulverised beyond recognition.
In light of this, the PSC would like to advise the public to remember the "P.S.C.s" when s-hitting:
P: Pangsai Chua - make sure you plan, don't Just Do It.
S: Seat and Sensor - make sure the seat is clean and free from unpleasant matter; if your toilet has a automatic flushing sensor, remember to maintain an upright posture to avoid premature flushing leading to a wet bottom and other unpleasant consequences.
C: Cockroaches and other demons - make sure you get them exterminated (preferably crush them, f-arting does not always work) to ensure a peaceful s-hitting experience.
Interesting Facts about UNINTERESTING Cockroaches
Most of the insecticides for killing cockroaches are pyrethroid nerve poisons. The nerve poison induces muscular spasms which often result in the cockroach flipping on its back. Without muscular coordination, the cockroach cannot right itself and eventually dies in its upside-down position.
- Hadlington & Gerozisis, 1995, Urban Pest Control in Australia, University of New South Wales Press Ltd.
A person who is allergic to consuming shellfish is also likely to have an allergy to eating cockroaches.
- Fear Factor not Afraid of Doctor. Retrieved on 24 October, 2006.
While he was s-hitting, a devious cockroach, who has yet to be identified, crept stealthily around his throne, preparing to assASSinate. It wasn't long before Jonk noticed the rascal of a roach and responded swiftly with sheer instint, as any seasoned PSC member would do.
He screamed.
"I was very very angry, very very pissed, very very disgusted and disturbed," he said.
Promptly, Jonk fought valiantly against his assailant, cornering him eventually and CRUSHING him like a.. erm, cockroach.. after a harrowing 30 second standoff. He escaped unscathed but is being treated for shock. The cockroach was pronounced dead at the scene of the crime.
The cockroach was flushed away, or depotted as the PSC prefer to call it, with.. yeah.
Left: The Assailant, killed and depotted
Jonk, who was clearly traumatised after the ordeal, added, "It's just wrong. I mean, would he have liked it if I came to disturb him while HE was defaecating?"
The PSC are still investigating the matter. The Blattella asahinai, or "Asian cockroach" family is a prime suspect as perpetrators of this heinous crime. The assailant was unable to be identified because he was pulverised beyond recognition.
In light of this, the PSC would like to advise the public to remember the "P.S.C.s" when s-hitting:
P: Pangsai Chua - make sure you plan, don't Just Do It.
S: Seat and Sensor - make sure the seat is clean and free from unpleasant matter; if your toilet has a automatic flushing sensor, remember to maintain an upright posture to avoid premature flushing leading to a wet bottom and other unpleasant consequences.
C: Cockroaches and other demons - make sure you get them exterminated (preferably crush them, f-arting does not always work) to ensure a peaceful s-hitting experience.
Interesting Facts about UNINTERESTING Cockroaches
Most of the insecticides for killing cockroaches are pyrethroid nerve poisons. The nerve poison induces muscular spasms which often result in the cockroach flipping on its back. Without muscular coordination, the cockroach cannot right itself and eventually dies in its upside-down position.
- Hadlington & Gerozisis, 1995, Urban Pest Control in Australia, University of New South Wales Press Ltd.
A person who is allergic to consuming shellfish is also likely to have an allergy to eating cockroaches.
- Fear Factor not Afraid of Doctor. Retrieved on 24 October, 2006.
posted by jonk. at 10:36 PM
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